As I ponder the start of another school year and all of the excitement and uncertainty it brings, I am reminded that some things are always certain for a mom:  Death, Taxes and…well…laundry.  While some mothers may attack a pile of freshly laundered clothes swimming in fresh fabric softener with giddy optimism, I approach the dryer with the same sense of dread and fear I would approach an unwanted household intruder (and, yes, by that I mean spiders). 

My dream would be to have a laundry service where I simply gather up dirty items for some angel to wash much like a dry-cleaning service, but for regular laundry.  Yes, I know at least one country that has such services — the summer after my first year of law school, I studied law in Sydney, Australia and was amazed to find that laundry for a non-working student was as easy as depositing your clothes at a laundromat, where they washed and fold them for a minimum fee.  But moving to Australia would be quite expensive.  So, until then, I must learn to accept never-ending piles of laundry with the same acceptance that many of family law clients accept a bad spouse or co-parent.  The truth is laundry (like love) never ends and we must learn to accept it.

Like most things that I dread, I try to focus on the lessons to be learned from such a mundane and never-ending task as laundry, and I think laundry provides a number of lessons for anyone going through a divorce or custody battle.  First of all, if you have children, understand that like laundry, your relationship with your ex-spouse may at times seems like a never-ending barrage of dirt.  However, just like with any fresh pile of laundry, there will always be that displaced singular sock looking for its match.  Yes, that sock is your child and he/she/they comes together with the dirt, whether you like the dirt or not.  Like any usual pile of laundry, a family, whether together or parts strewn across different rooms or houses, is a family just the same and you must learn to assemble the pieces in whatever order they appear.   That sock needs its match and it’s your job to find it. 

In any divorce that ends well, as with any pile of laundry, you have to learn to fluff (i.e. make the best of it), fold and move on.  As with those never-ending piles of laundry, learn to accept that this pile of s*&! Is not going to end and that the best thing you can do is to develop a system that maintains your sanity and keeps everyone else’s crazy in check.   

This may sound counterintuitive coming from a divorce attorney, but in order to have a successful divorce (and, yes, you must learn to have a successful divorce, particularly where children are involved), you must focus on the successes of your marriage.  When you see that dirty shirt, remember that it wasn’t always faded and try to recall its better days and all the good that followed therefrom…particularly your children (lest they become displaced).  Love, like laundry…like family, whether they are together or apart…never ends….and the labor of love continues whether or not the marriage endures….

One of the most uncomfortable tasks I have as a family law attorney is breaking it to a client that they will be paying alimony. Usually, men expect to have to pay it, even in cases where they make less than their wives.  In those cases, they are often pleasantly surprised to learn that they may be receiving rather than paying it. However, in cases where the wife makes more than the husband – well that’s usually a different story…

Singer, American Idol icon and talk show host Kelly Clarkson recently settled a case with her husband, Brandon Blackstock, in which she is paying $115,000 per month to him in alimony. That’s a whopping sum, and I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when her attorney broke the news to her (talk about difficult representation).  Of course, that’s an extreme example, and in most cases, we are not dealing with “star struck” numbers in terms of support.  However, every woman should know if they are working and making more than their Husband that, at least in South Carolina, they could be subject to paying alimony/spousal support to their Husband.

It is easy for us to scoff at the “free ride” Kelly Clarkson’s Husband (or any Husband) may be getting once the parties to a marriage are divorced; however, that is not the primary question the Court must consider, at least in South Carolina, in terms of awarding alimony.  While the resources and the education of the party receiving alimony may be considered in determining the amount of alimony awarded, the primary issue in such cases is often what standard of living did the receiving party enjoy during the marriage.  Thus, let the lesson of the Clarkson case for all women be to hitch your wagon to the biggest star – that is, know your risk of paying alimony by discussing with your attorney and understanding your position going in.  Alimony laws in South Carolina are not likely to change anytime soon.

Melissa Miller is a licensed attorney in South Carolina for The Miller Law Firm, P.A. who focuses her practice on family, personal injury, and workers’ compensation law.  To make an appointment with Melissa or to assess your alimony exposure, contact The Miller Law Firm, P.A. at 864-527-0413. 

By Melissa S. Miller

Over the past few weeks, I have had the pleasure of reading two fantastic books – Find Your Yellow Tux by Jesse Cole and The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins for The Miller Law Firm, P.A.’s YouTube channel.  The first book is about creative management; the second book is about self-encouragement and care.

As I sat down to write this blog (a space we typically reserve for an in-depth examination of important legal topics) it occurred to me that the subject matter of each book may be just the advice our clients need during this uncertain time.  Let me explain:

Throughout my near decade as a family law and personal injury attorney, I have seen cases and clients come and go.  It is both a pleasure and a challenge to lead people through what may be the most difficult time in their lives.  Whether you are 20 or 80 years old, going through a divorce or serious personal injury can be gut-wrenching and can turn your life upside down.  The pandemic has wrought enough uncertainty.  Throwing a divorce or serious personal injury on top of an already uncertain world has the potential to put an individual over the edge. 

As an attorney, I can give you all of the legal advice in the world.  What I cannot give you is a belief in yourself and the inner courage to know you will see these difficult times through.  Whether you are going through a difficult case, a major life change or just trying to lose a few pounds before the holidays, life is a struggle and often our worst enemy is staring us in the mirror. 

If you are going through a divorce or personal injury this holiday season (or anytime), do not be your own worst enemy.  As your attorney, I will be there to fight for you throughout the legal process, but I also want for you to cheer for and believe in yourself.  Take the time to read through our website.  At The Miller Law Firm, P.A., we are about more than giving our clients the legal tools and representation they will need to fight through this difficult time.  We want to give you the compassion and encouragement you need to see it through. 

To aid you during this difficult time in your life, we have developed The A.L.E. (Art, Law, and Entertainment Project), which is The Miller Law Firm’s YouTube Channel devoted to an examination of art, music, and television from which you can escape the rigors of your own personal firestorm while also assisting you on your journey to personal development and growth.  Subscribe to this channel so you can hear a positive message each week.  It is through life’s most difficult challenges that we find life’s most important lessons.  I hope you find your yellow tux as you embark on this major life change, and should I have the pleasure and honor to represent you as you face this difficult time, I shall look forward to assisting you every step of the way.

Melissa Miller is a family law and personal injury attorney and partner with The Miller Law Firm, P.A.  To check Ms. Miller’s review of Find Your Yellow Tux by Jesse Cole and The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins, please subscribe to our YouTube Channel (the A.L.E. Project), which is also available on The Miller Law Firm’s website (www.themillerlawfirmpa.com). 

To File or Note to File– Is it Really a Question?

(Analyzing HBO’s “Divorce,” Season 1, Episodes 2-9)

In my last article related to HBO’s series “Divorce,” I tackled one of the most common issues that comes up in the context of marriage – fault in the break-down of the marriage. We now turn to an analysis of how the actors in “Divorce” (as well as Wife and Husband in a marriage) often convey to children that they are getting a divorce and the common pitfalls involved therein. As well, I will analyze the common questions (and things to consider) in determining whether – and how – to file/serve divorce papers.

First off, let’s just start by saying that there is perhaps nothing worse than having to tell your kids that you are getting a “Divorce.” If you watched Season 1 of HBO’s “Divorce,” you know that it takes three episodes and a stern rebuke from a mediator before Robert and Francis have the gumption to tell their children, who are still fairly young at this stage. What we see in “Divorce” is frighteningly accurate portrayal of how telling children typically goes down and it’s not pretty, but the end result provides a valuable lesson.

Let’s start with timelines. In the case of Robert and Francis, they agonize over the decision to the point that telling the children becomes an event in and of itself. When they are finally seated at the dinner table and have come to a meeting of the minds on how the children are going to be told, the audience is collectively holding its breath to see who is going to be the “bigger person” in terms of conveying this information. In this case, Mom (Francis) tries to sugarcoat the subject by offering to the children that Mom and Dad are “trying to figure out how to be a better family. That is when Dad (Robert) intervenes, finally delivering the maturity that we have thus far not seen on the show:

“Your mother and I are getting a divorce” Robert tells the children matter-of-factly. “It’s awful. If there was any way that we could’ve figured out how to stay together then we would, but we just can’t. But the important thing is that neither of us is going to leave you.”

I think it is important to note Robert’s exact words here, as he could not have put it much better.

The very fact that parties are going through a divorce usually means that there is a failure to communicate between Husband and Wife. Difficulties in communicating are only magnified when it comes down telling your children that you are getting a divorce, but this can often be avoided. In this case, Francis and Robert DuFresne have determined that it is best to tell the children together. While this is not always possible with parties going through a divorce, particularly if there are issues of domestic violence or mental health, it can be very helpful. As one sees in “Divorce,” the task is often easier said than done and having a partner to back you up can come in handy where words fail. If the children already have counselors or a counselor involved, such professionals can often aid in this difficult process; however, it is ultimately up to the parents to communicate this information absent any intervening issues which would prevent either from doing so. In “Divorce”, the children’s reaction to being told is priceless:

“Can we go upstairs now?” says the son, who is older than their daughter. The children’s reaction is the lesson here: Yes, it is awkward. No, it is not pretty. However, agonizing over the process is often more difficult than the process itself. As we study the children’s reaction at this point, we are reminded of the words of the mediator in this series. “Tell the children.” Your attorney will tell you no differently. You find a way to do it in the most effective and straight-forward manner available. Your children – and your legal bill – will thank you for it.

As well as they handle telling the children (albeit late), the way that Robert and Francis handle the filing and service process leaves much to be desired and is also a cautionary lesson. I think it is important to note that at the point Francis does decide to file, she has already been through at least one attorney and chosen to go with another one. In cases where we are dealing lots of assets, waiting to file can be fatal. In South Carolina, martial property is typically determined as property which accumulates from the date of marriage to the date of filing (in some cases, your attorney may be able to argue the date of separation). Thus, if you have a large retirement account, for example, and the market continues to go up, but you wait to file, the passive gains you continue to accumulate in this account prior to separation and filing will be considered as part of the marital estate.

As far as filing, in seeking an attorney who appears to be more of a “bull dog,” Francis may have underestimated how this decision would affect the very process of filing and serving the divorce paperwork on Robert. As we see in Episode 9 of “Divorce”, Francis has Robert served at one of the children’s basketball games while Robert is coaching this game. It is very clear that Francis was not aware that her attorney was going to serve Robert at this time and in this manner, though she no doubt knew that her attorney was going to file. The lesson in this is to always communicate with your attorney on how you want the other party to be served with the divorce pleadings. To be clear, serving the papers by process server directly on the other party is typically the only surefire way to ensure service is effectuated; however, the parties can exercise some measure of control over where and when the papers are served. In some instances — such as where the parties already have an agreement, for example – having the other party “accept” service of pleadings by signing what in South Carolina is called an “Acceptance of Service” may be acceptable and avoid the painful process of serving by process server. However, this must be determined on a case-by-case basis and your attorney will be able to guide you as to which and under what circumstances this could be done to potentially save on costs. Bottom line: communicate and ensure that you are involved in the process of service. Again, your children – and your legal bill – will thank you for it later.

So, what happens when the parties further ratchet up drama in the context of a divorce where custody issues are involved? Find out in my next article, which focuses on the Season 1 Finale of “Divorce.”

Melissa Miller is an attorney in South Carolina focusing on family and workers’ compensation/personal injury law with The Miller Law Firm, P.A. She can be reached at melissa@themillerlawfirmpa.com.