Divorce Diaries: The Opposite of Love By Tawnya Queen


The best question I ever heard Brian Miller, Esq. ask was, “What is the opposite of ‘love’?”  I, like most people, said, “Hate.” Mr. Miller goes on to point out, “’Love’ is a passionate emotion.  ‘Hate’ is a passionate emotion.  The opposite of passionate emotion is ‘apathy’ or the absence of emotion.  So really, the opposite of ‘love’ is ‘apathy.’” 

This must be why Love/Hate relationships can work.  Both people are invested in the relationship with passionate emotions.  It take two people investing emotionally in a relationship to make it work.  When one person gives up, loses all of their passionate emotion, and is no longer invested in the relationship, the “couple” falls apart.  One person moves forward with apathy, leaving the other in a place of pain by saying those four dreaded words, “I want a divorce.”

Moving from a place of hurt and pain into a place of acceptance takes time, especially if you were the one still emotionally invested in the former relationship.  It’s not necessary to move to a place of apathy when you divorce, but it is important to pay attention to your mental health.  What a great time to start fresh.  Release your dormant passions, experiment with new ones, and find a new outlet for the passion you can no longer spend on that relationship. Counselors say it take two years for life to return to something resembling “normal” after a divorce. 

How you let yourself grieve, whether it is keeping a journal, talking with friends, religious leaders, or professionals, it’s all about processing.  Whether you hear those four dreaded words or are the one who has to say them, “I want a divorce,” then you need to process this new place you find yourself in.  This place that is the opposite of love.

Tawnya Queen is the long-time paralegal and office manager for The Miller Law Firm, P.A. whose years of experience helped her to draft this article.  If you have any further questions on how to move forward from the four dreaded words or would like to set up a consultation with us, please call The Miller Law Firm, P.A. at 864-527-0413.